Make Belief Studios ~

April 27, 2011

Script for The Note 2

Filed under: Scripts, The Note 2, WIP — Saturday @ 8:04 pm

Doujinshi sequal for Koukai Sarena Katta Shuki: The Note

It’s all spoilers and it’s all subject to change, it’s here for me to work on, don’t complain if you read it.

chapter 1
goals: toshihiko’s explaination and transformation (off frame)
setting: Outside the castle, in the rubble of the mansion (Is the castle physical or spiritual?)

-Toshihiko (frantic, but determined): What am I doing here?! I didn’t want anything to do with this place ever again! But I haven’t been the same since. And my psychatrist said I need to face my fears if I want to get over this. He doesn’t believe that we were kidnapped by actual Shinigami though! *whimpers*

-Toshihiko roams the mansion: “Look at this place, there should be no more danger right? But then why do I feel so funny? Like a horrific type of nastalgia. They did a good job “sealing” the castle. Even if the spirits somehow survived they can’t hurt me through this mess, right? This is their graves and I’m going to dance on it! Wahhoo! We beat you all! (dancing)

-A bit of red flashes and Toshihiko gets scared again

-Toshihiko: “What was that?! It can’t be-? No, she was destroyed. But that feeling… it’s stronger over here.

-Toshihiko approaches a glowing bit of stone under some rubble.

-Toshihiko: “What’s this? (picks up bit of soul stone) Ah! This feeling, it can’t be! It’s you? This is what you’ve become? (laughs maniacally) This is all you are now? I could crush you with my – ow – well, maybe not with my hand but this is it! You can’t hurt me anymore! This is what I came here for! I’ll destroy you for everything you did to me! I’ll- I’ll-… (off frame) I’m free.”

Splash page: Koukai Sarena Katta Shuki 2: The Message

Chapter 2
goal: Introduce Yoko and Kenji, who have received a distressed call from toshihiko. learn the characters names and a bit of their relationships, yoko protecting toshihiko, kenji protecting both of them. exposition about their lives since the dissolving of the occult club.
Setting: Hotel room

-Toshihiko’s message playing through Yoko’s phone: “Yoko-san. I’ve returned to the castle. You know the one. It’s happening again. Please help me, Yoko! I’m sorry…”
-Kenji: “Well, we’re here again. This town is as cryptic and empty as before. Why couldn’t that idiot Toshihiko leave well enough alone.”
-Yoko: “C’mon Kenji, you know how much it bothered him.”
-Kenji: “You shouldn’t defend him, Yoko. Not this time. It affected all of us, but only he needed to return.”
-Yoko: “And we, his friends, need to help him. We’re here now, it’s like a reunion of the occult club.”
-Kenji: “But this is messed up. This place is the reason we ended the Occult club. I don’t understand why you’ve grown so protective of Toshihiko…”
-Yoko: “Terrible things happened here. It was my fault the first time… and just like last time I know you’re not going to abandon us!”
-Kenji: “Well, we’re here now. We can’t return emptyhanded.”
-They start to head off triumphantly, then Yoko’s cell phone rings.
-Yoko: “Ah!”
-Kenji: “A text?”
-Yoko: “Yes… uh.”
-Kenji: “Is it from Toshihiko? What’s it say?”
-Yoko: “No, it isn’t. It doesn’t say who it’s from… but it says “Don’t come.”

*snicker, that’s dirty*

Chapter 3
goal: Introduce NecroToshi, ressurect thanatos
setting: In front of the castle, in what’s left of the cottage.
-Yoko: “We’re here.”
-Kenji: “I have to say the place looks good. Too bad the castle isn’t in the same state. Do we have to go in to find Toshihiko?”
-Yoko: “It only makes sense that he’d be inside. Lets get him back, quickly!”
-They enter the castle. NecroToshi is waiting for them in the shadows.
-Yoko: “Kenji, look!”
-Kenji: “Aikawa-san is that you?!”
-NecroToshi: “Yoko-san, Kenji-san! Thank god you’ve come for me!”
-Yoko: “Why are you here Toshihiko? What happened? What- What’s wrong with you? Let me light a torch so we can see.”
-Toshihiko: “NO! That’s alright, just come here and help me up.”
-Yoko: “I can’t help you up if I don’t light the torch.”
-NecroToshi: “I said no!”
-Kenji: “Yoko! Watch out!”
-NecroToshi dives at Yoko and Kenji blocks
-NecroToshi floats in the air like a puppet with Kenji dangling from his arms, necromeda’s snake tail is coming from under Necrotoshi’s jacket and the mask is on the other end while Toshi swings underneath it.
-NecroToshi: “AHAHAHAHAHA I love the blood of children! Too bad I couldn’t taste of it the first time we met, when it was fresh! No matter, now you will nourish my brothers!”
-Yoko: “KENJI! TOSHI NO!!”
-NecroToshi takes out a glowing black rock and shoves it into Kenji’s teeth.
-Kenji: “Toshi-!”
-Kenji shakes in terror as blood pours from his mouth and NecroToshi holds the rock in.
-Yoko cries while a marker falls in front of her: “What’s that?… A marker?”
-NecroToshi drops Kenji, who’s eyes and arms are glowing red.
-NecroToshi sets sight on Yoko and pulls out the blue soul stone piece: “For my brothers!”
-Yoko picks up the marker and disapears

chapter 4
goals: exposition between Thanaji and NecroToshi Thanaji won’t let NecroToshi use a woman to ressurect Hypnos. Demands that they find and use Paulo.
Setting: Still the first room of the castle.

-NecroToshi: “Damn. That one is still at work here.”
-Thanaji groans and get’s up.
-NecroToshi: “Thanatos! You’re alive again!”
-Thanaji attacks NecroToshi: “Ker… why did you raise me before my brother?”
-NecroToshi: “I- I need you.”
-Thanaji: “Worthless. You’ve become no better than Stheno. Your souls are still young, I should use you to restore my brother!”
-NecroToshi: “But you need me to bring in new souls! Souls for you, blood for me!”
-Thanaji: “Wrong! We don’t need you, we gave you a chance to be one of us. Meda, Lamia, Ker, now this one… You are dilluted, sister, we will use you in whatever way we see fit, but we don’t need you.”
-NecroToshi: “So cold brother. Time will strengthen my souls into the original. I have been faithful and I can still bring new blood like before. The other new soul is still here, he can be used to ressurect brother.”
-Thanaji: “This will do. My brother Hypnos will rise with me again and forever.”

Chapter 5
goal: Yuji meets Yoko
Setting: the Room of Dreams
-Yoko teleports into room: “Where am I?”
-Yuji, slumped in his chair: “You must be Linda. Or is that just a travel name? I had one as well when my wife and I moved here, but feel free to call me by my real name; Saeki Yuji.”
-Yoko: “Yuji-san! It’s been so long but I don’t think we were ever in situation for proper introductions. I am Sato Yoko. You just saved me, right? Thank you so much but please we need to help Toshihiko and Kenji!”
-Yuji: “There’s nothing I can do.”
-Yoko: “What?”
-Yuji: “I’m sorry. I know I brought you deeper into the castle, but it was all I could do to get you away from the demon. I’m still too weak from the last battle… I might never recover.”
-Yoko: “But… then what can we do?”
-Yuji: “You need to leave, Yoko. There is nothing more that can be done.”
-Yoko: “No.”
-Yuji: “Take the markers. They won’t expect you to go to the balcony, go there and throw one of the markers as far as you can, it’s your only chance.”
-Yoko: “NO! I can’t leave Toshihiko. Or Kenji! We’ve been through this before, you just don’t understand that we can’t abandon each other!”
-Yuji: “… No. I’ve been through this before, I do understand why you can’t abandon them. Here.”
-Yuji gives Yoko his soulstone: “This will give you my strength to fight the shinigami.”
-Yoko: “Will that make me like Toshihiko now? I can’t do that! I can’t save them if I lose myself!”
-Yuji: “Don’t worry. Just take the stone, you will be safe. Find my mask. It’ll give you my power and you can keep your form.”
-Yoko: “Where-”
-Yuji: “Go quickly, I’ll hide you from the other two, but the monsters will have been ressurected along with their masters. So be careful.”
-Yoko: “Yuji-san. Are you… human or one of them?”
-Yuji: “… I used to think that I knew the answer to that.”

Chapter 6
goal: Thanaji muses about meda and plots against Yoko as Necrotoshi transforms further

Chapter 7
goal: Yoko fights Night Guant and merges with Yuji’s mask. (beats night guant by spiritually reaching inside it and destroying it’s spiritstone)

Akira 新堂一哉 L:Shindou F:Kazuya
Angela 神矢千里 L:Kamiya F:Chisato
Paulo 佐伯祐二 L:Saeki F:Yuji
Toshi 相川俊彦 L:Aikawa F:Toshihiko
Dave 中嶋健二 L:Nakajima F:Kenji
Linda 佐藤洋子 L:Sato F:Yoko
Meda/ Saeki Meda/ Ker/ Necromeda/ Necrohiko

necromeda (Ker) is a drakaina? Lamia?

-toshi saves money for years to go back to mansion rubble for petty revenge. finds meda’s soul stone core and eats it. He becomes a fusion with the demon.

-necrotoshi summons the other two “kids” to the mansion ruins. Brings back thanatos via Dave.

-exposition of how tanatos seduced meda (making her ker, or “necromeda” to paulo). Paulo was a writer too obsessed with work? No, otherway: Meda was obsessed.

-tanatos is angry with necro for not bringing his brother back. tanatos plans to have paulo fuse with hypnos because he doesn’t want linda to be his brother.

-paulo is weakened and fuses with Linda to fight medio. Linda sends more pictures to angela via txt message. linda wears paulo’s mask at first, then eventually has to eat his soulstone in the final battle.

-did paulo find a way to make himself a spirit? Where are soulstones hidden normally?

-Meda originally a teacher, with paulo, moved to the castle out of historic interest for the spiritual art. Meda learns about tanatoes and finds herself falling in love with him. Paulo, studying occult, finds a way to materialize tanatos, via his soul stone. Tanatos gets meda to eat Lamia’s soulstone. Necromeda kills all her students, making tanatos grow stronger. Paulo uses occult knowledge to remove his own soul, dawn a mask and become a spirit.

-Stheno, being Gorgon, was a physical being. Thanatos wanted a spiritual one so he turned meda in to a Ker. Stheno still alive, kinda.

-Once Hypnos is revived, tanatos devours necrotosha and linda kamikaze’s into hypnos, being devoured herself
-Yoko has always protected Toshihiko and thus has strong defenseful feelings for him, allowing her physical form to over power Yuji’s when merging with him and Hypnos.
-tanatos and hypnos go off to the castle “where there is hypnos, there will be tanatos, were there is tanatos, there will be hypnos”
-Angela seals the castle with paulo’s mask.


September 22, 2010

like button

Filed under: News — Saturday @ 5:49 pm

The people at the DeviantArt suggestion forum didn’t like my idea for “like” buttons on pages. That’s fine, but their excuse is “an art site doesn’t need stuff like that”. Well, that’s not a quote, but that is the extent of what they said. And I think that’s stupid. DA hasn’t been an “art” site since like it’s first year. It has art, but it isn’t an art site. It already has chatroom capabilities and “deviant wear” *shudder*. They’ve already sold out, so why not go the full mile for the users? but anyway, I’m venting here because they locked my thread. Let’s try the “like” button idea here!

“Like” this pic on FaceBook

edit: lllol, it’s glitchy, but it does work… for what point though?

“Like” this pic on FaceBook

October 26, 2009

ugly site

Filed under: Peregrination of the Deliverer — Saturday @ 11:04 am

Make Belief Studios’ CSS subscription ends on the 27th and I don’t think I use it enough to validate paying for another year.

But don’t despair! I’ve forwarded the investment into Peregrination of the Deliverer’s new website!


June 2, 2009


Filed under: 4sell, News, Peregrination of the Deliverer — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Saturday @ 11:20 pm

So I almost ignored posting it here >.< Peregrination of the Deliverer 4 is complete. You can purchase it at Indyplanet (the print version features a special bonus comic from my good friend ECKC) or you can just read the low-res version over at comicspace.

Work on PotD 5 will commence soon, but i’m hoping to do things a bit differently than so-far normally. You’ll see.

January 26, 2009

Divine Gifts of Yoni Review

Filed under: Reviews — Saturday @ 7:00 pm


It’s been well over a year since I started ECKC’s Divine Gifts of Yoni. It’s a fat book. It doesn’t help that I’m a slow reader, but seriously, it’s over 600 pages long. As a fat book, it is also an expensive book, especially if your shipping that bulk across borders. So was it worth it? For just about 2 years of decent reading, I’d say so.

As usual, I do my best not to try and predict my impressions of indie/amateur works. Getting your hopes up is 90% of the time a fruitless endeavor, this is something I’ve learned from even mainstream media, and as expected in a story as large as TDGY, there are plenty of rough spots. However there were also a lot of parts that were unexpectedly impressive. There was also a consistent spirit behind the writing, although it wasn’t perfect, you clearly knew what the author was trying to interpret. And with a strong main cast, I often found myself choosing to read this book over other mainstream and classic titles I was reading at the time.

So, the Divine Gifts of Yoni: It features two worlds, each with their own set of stories which connect the two together. Each world stars a group of main characters accomplishing various goals and pursuing some kind of crystal/god based prophecy to metamorphose the two worlds. The whole story is honestly a bit blurry and hard to follow as it is stretched far through the many personal dilemmas of the cast. It probably isn’t to the most benefit of the story for the largest aspect of the plot to be so uninvolved, however the personal quests of the characters are interesting and do carry you through the book.

Interestingly enough, the best thing I can compare the story to is fan fiction. Yes, it’s an original story, but it has that “I should be reading this on the internet” vibe. There is indeed a couple anime-esque stereotypes to the story, more so in feeling than content (aside from furry ears, tails, and harem scenarios, of course), but above all I think it’s the fondness the author has for her characters that shows through the pages, giving them a very fan written aura. It also carries the negative aspects of fan fiction, including frequent spelling mistakes, seemingly spontaneously conceived story layout, and segments which just don’t look like the author read through them after writing. This makes it completely worthwhile for me because I enjoy fan fiction, but the feeling is dominant enough that I would recommend that if you don’t like fan fiction, you probably should reconsider paying the 40 bux for this title.

As for the religious aspect, knowing where the author comes from, the connection between Yoni and Jesus are quite apparent in her writings. In the beginning of the story, the random prayers and praises to God seem to be rather bluntly jammed into the dialogue, thankfully however, the belief system get’s much more natural towards the end of the story. However again, unfortunately like many amateur christian authors, ECKC does try to take the CS Lewis approach and not explain the religious system of the characters, it’s just assumed that people get it. The difference from CS Lewis is that the belief system isn’t so much metaphoric as it is just swapping out words. Only people familiar with christian contexts will get it. Even if it’s obvious, it seems rather short sighted of us to offer no explanation for those who are unfamiliar with modern christian beliefs. Especially considering how varied modern Christianity can be. Sometimes it fits in a fantasy novel a little too well. Rather than just assuming that the characters beliefs are christian based because I know the story is from a christian community, I would rather have the story explain the beliefs to me through a culture more native to the worlds of the story.

There’s actually a few things in this book I can really pick on, so I’m just going to go ahead and get them out of the way. Probably one of the larger set backs is the fact that the chapters of this book are 30+ pages apart. They strike me as mostly redundant, especially considering that each chapter has multiple “star star star” breaks signifying time and scene changes. The strange chapter layout works double negatively with the balance of the two-world stories going on. There doesn’t seem to be a real organized sense of timing other than “now’s a good time to cut to…”. Sometimes you spend a chapter cutting back and forth between worlds while other times you spend so much time with one story that you have to backtrack in the book to recall what is going on with the other side. There is also an over abundance of parentheses. In a story where the narrator is already omnipotent, I can’t help but feel it’s just showing off when the brackets come out. The other big problem is the ending… actually I think I’m going to have to reread the ending. It was rather unsatisfying, i’ll leave it at that. The story seems to dissolve rather than resolve. Now I can see this being a benefit if there are going to be sequels but who knows when that might be? However, as I said, the smaller sub-stories tended to overshadow the global plot, so I can’t say whether or not I’m missing out on something terribly exciting. I’m more so dissatisfied in the mood the story went out on.

Now in the book’s defense, which I think its primary benefit is in its readability: it’s a very easy story to just pick up and get lost in. The world immerses you and despite a couple dry spots, it’s a very easy book to keep reading. I wouldn’t say it’s up to the point where you can’t stop reading. Although, yes, there were a few spots where I couldn’t put the book down, but it has a very casual, contemporary flow which doesn’t fatigue you very quickly. The characters again, are quite enjoyable. I can’t say I ever found them to be very deep and layered, it isn’t hard to guess what each one might be thinking, but they do grow and develop with the story and it’s very motivating to witness this. Like any great fantasy novel, the story also has many settings and creatures which are fairly original and overall interesting. In fact, the story reminds me a lot of the Escaflowne movie. Lots of flowy, beautiful, emotional scenes, with random spots of splattered blood and violence to keep the testosterone up. I love that movie.

There’s a lot more details I would still like to go into about this book, but after looking at what I’ve already written, I’ll just cut to the summary. A lot about this book screams “take me to the next level!” but that is what I like about it. It’s an excellent foundational story and it sparks my imagination to think of where the author is going to go from here, whether with these characters which I’ve grown quite attached to, or something entirely new. Like a lot of classical literature it flows great, is entirely rememberable, yet makes you want to seek improvements. More details, better arrangements, new stories, it’s a very inspiring book. If you’re okay with the anime/fan-fiction style of story, I’d recommend that you consider adding this book to your collection. I know it’s quite happy in mine.

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